All that you wanted to know

It Is All I Ever Wanted To Say.... :)

I had been missing this weather, the warmth seemed to burn out all the stress inside. I was basking in the light, seemed like a distant dream.

It had been three long years since I stepped into this city, I missed my city to bits. Ah, but there is your work that takes you to places :) 
Once I closed my eyes, there was a fast slideshow of all the moments that passed by, my college life, my family and him.
The voice still ringed my ears as I was trying hard not to think. I shook my head hard 'Is it really you?' 
Opening my eyes, I knew he was there. It wasn't my dream. 
A smile broadening as he looked at me, that was so perfect that no one would see it as fake. One look at him, I knew he still was the same.
Nothing had changed since that day, Absolutely nothing.
'Hi, How are you?' I asked, trying to make it as casual as possible
'Very good. how are you?'
Problem is not with these questions, problem is how you proceed next after these questions. 
I was hoping he would speak up or I would leave then. There are these situations in life, one move one word, would bring everything back or hurt more than the first time. 
'In a hurry?' he asked, nervously playing with his hair. 
'Yes, yes' is what I wanted to scream- but 'no' is what blurted.
'Walk?' He still didn't leave his habit of one-word-conversations. 
'Yeah, fine.'

It was almost ten minutes,I think we were mentally playing around to decide who would be the ice-breaker. The whooshing sound of air, chirping of birds everything seem to be adding life to the scene, except that his voice would defiantly be the best of all. The best thing that could bring life to the scenario.
'How have you been?'he asked.
'Good. Moving about places. Meeting people. How about you?'
Should I ask him- I was battling in my head. Once I did, it hurt him more than anything. Nevertheless I did.
'How is she?' I asked.
 He stared at me, the same cold stare that hurt me four years ago. 'Can we sit down?' , he said to which I nodded.
On the soft grass I finally sat, seemed like the burden of my heart was put by my side. 
Suddenly the always silent guy, came back to life. ' She is very fine. Things are well between us, thinking of getting married this year and moving closer to south. She likes the sea, So I think its best we live there. You remember those earrings I saw at the store? She loved it. I gave them...'
He went on and on. I knew very well he was making it all up. 
I had been silent for long. Four years ago I should have done this, I regretted very badly. 'Shut up.' I said in a platonic tone.
He stopped abruptly. 'What?' he said.
I spoke clearly and slowly, stressing every word that I spoke. 'Just whom are you trying to convince, yourself or me?'
'I don't get you?'
I had had enough. 'Look, you might not have loved me. I did and I still do. I know every move of yours. How hard do you think it is for me to see beyond your lies? I know very well this is just a let out of your imaginations, none in real.'
He interrupted my volley of words. 'It is true.'
I broke him down before he could go on. 'It isn't. It wasn't true even when you said four years ago, and neither today. You said you were in a relationship, I knew you weren't. She never was yours. All of us tried to take you out of it. But you never were ready to accept it. You ended up hurting the girl who loved you the most, for someone you thought was important.'
'But....' he started.
'Let me finish. I will tell you what. Yes, I respected your feelings. I thought I should never hurt you. But you can't blow an air bubble and live in it thinking it is all truth. At some point someone has to some over burst it and tell you that its not so, so that you move on. I think even if it was rude, I should have slapped you four years ago and told you on your face that your 'so-called' relationship was over.' 
'It wasn't a relationship... It was..'
'See? You still live in that bubble. You know what? I feel very sorry for you. There are million ways people find happiness, but it all begins with the willingness to see things even if it isn't what you want to see. You wouldn't still accept it, would you? I'll send you the best wedding designers list then. Let me see how she marries you in a year.' I challenged him openly and stopped at that point. He dared not to open up, his game was up. 
The momentary silence in the air no longer echoed the whirlpool of emotions that we both were experiencing at that time.
I broke into tears ' I would have done anything for you, if you had given me a chance. I begged you, I pleaded you to let go of past. I promised you I would replace the memories. I promised you that the future would be so much better than the past, but you wouldn't let it be. You simply would go back to her, so that she could hurt you, but you wouldnt give me a chance to see if it worked. You adored me, but still let me go.'
I wiped my tears, they never seemed to make a difference to anyone.
'Past no matter how tormenting it is should be accepted first. That's what moving on is all about. And what is the point in loving someone, when the love becomes the cause for pain. Agreed that relationships are painful. But it should be worth the pain, ain't it? She is happy in her life, you are pining for her. And you call this a relationship?'
I stood up. 'Be happy in your relationship then. I will surely meet you four years later at the same place. Then tell me the same story, I'll nod and walk away.Cause I think I deserve only this. '
I let out a small laugh. 'Since ages I was trying hard to see what our relationship is. Now,I understand. This is our relationship'
I wiped the last tear. 'I only hope some girl if not me, has the real way to make you feel loved again. I miserably failed. Take care.'
I walked ahead. ' Wait' he said.
'I'll come along.' 
He walked by my side. 'Send me the wedding designers list. I might need them very soon.'

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That it will never come again is what makes life more and more Interesting… It takes real good time to understand me.. And sometimes, Even people who understand me fail to get whatever I mean… For people who don’t know about me, I’m A fun-loving, friendly, Optimistic, Jovial, Out-going girl… Sometimes shy when the whole crowd is new…. But I get along with people very soon….. I have a lot of friends who consider me an important part of their life… I cheer up people very easily when they are sad…. I like Indian culture.. I Like analyzing characters… Emotions and Science are what I consider awesome Books are My best buddies...... i Read a hell lot of them...... Some of my friends think I can be a good listener… I can listen patiently… But even I can talk a lot… Its hard to get under my skin.. I always find out what people are upto very easily... I don intend to But it doesnot get out of my view I’m not very caring, Very friendly and all but I’m very naughty… My mood swings a lot… And finally, what matters is What U Know About Me And Not What U Read Over Here :)


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