All that you wanted to know

It Is All I Ever Wanted To Say.... :)

The best of whatever had to be bestowed in my life was probably sent in this year. 

Needless to say the best moment this year was undoubtedly this June 14- I finally got my first degree- Bachelors in Engineering-Automobile Engineering- So finally came down to Er.Swathi B.E. Waiting for the day when Er. becomes Dr. again :P Passion to learn is an addiction! Addiction to learning becomes a passion! Okay I am drifting off my topic. But still its an awesome feeling to see your drafted dreams become a reality. It was like I sketch it down, it jumps up to life. Of course, the story has its own ups and downs.

Next, ended up as one among the toppers, a straight answer to those people who questioned about my presence in Automotive stream. Girls can be good ones too. Mechanical Engineering is not a weight lifting competition that only guys can survive. It only needs passion.

Leaving Trichy was one of the nostalgic moments of my life, the place literally witnessed my transition from a school passout to professional. One of the most awesome places in the whole world bestowed with a divine charm of its own. Again of course, places don't become special unless people out there are. My college guys are the best of the whole lot in the world. Missing you guys a lot ra!

March11,2013, Naresh gave me that BMW keychain. Again a perfect moment. Still working on getting in there da, N I promise you and myself that come what may I will someday! Hopefully the sooner, the better. Such a charm know it is to discuss and see the future with friends. Remember our Audi car gifts and holiday plans? Someday, every single one will come true guys :) Gautham, Kna and Mo, that mokka movie cum drive trip was probably one of the last time we guys met before we literally ran to different corners of the world. You guys are still meeting, but I'm waiting to come back and catch up at Coffee Day. Ah! You guys remember the CCD chats when all of us had no idea what we were going to do next? Waiting for results and whenever there was a power cut in our locality, a conference call and we are out on the streets! Ha ha! Those phases can't come again at all! M glad you guys are in contact with me even after coming in here. And to the one who found his lady love, my best wishes! To love and be loved back is one of the best feeling in the world. Guard her with all your life! And to the lady, you are adorable :) Hold him steady in your life! Oh and by the way, The only new year gift I want from you guys- Stop irritating me :P  And be with me forever! Mo thanks for all the late night mokka calls!! :)

Renault-Nissan internship with Ashfaq, bhai- Best times, they were. Somehow reminded me of school days. It was such a fun working with you. Thank you for being there during that phase- You know why it was a ruckus, I am glad you showed me the greater things of life. I never take up your take-it-easy attitude no matter how long I know you, hopefully some day I will be the perfect sis, like my perfect bro. Oh, by the way, Should I spill the beans now? Nah! I'll let you do that, Congratulations and good luck once again for your next endeavor!

Masters in Systems Engineering at Lufbra was again one of the glorious moments of my life. I never really wrote on what happened during that phase, because it was in a state of chaos. I got my visa approved on 29, I left on 31st. Just in two days, the transition from India to UK was over. My passion literally pulled me across half of the world! 

I know that actually out there, there are a lot of people who are super annoyed about the fact that I didn't tell them about my departure to UK. Ah! Without describing this phase, the year literally is incomplete. I had only two days between my visa arrival and departure to UK. One day I spent getting my bank loan and other paper works done. Half of the day I spent in shopping, yes half and actually that was fine for my style of shopping lol. And half in packing. I came off in such a rush that my mom didn't have time to cry. She didn't.

Bro, Dad and Mom- The only three people who came to send me off at airport. Thanks bro, you came inspite of such a bad health. You are the best! Wish I could come back and fight for remote. Or you could team up with that useless friends of mine and pull my leg. I'll be back, sooner than you expect, with your MAN-U stuff :D 

Dad, how do I even put it? Just thank you, You have been my pillar of strength. Thanks mostly, for letting me go on with whatever I wanted to do. For trusting me and having faith, that I never can be wrong.

Mom. Where do I even start? Like okay, I am a coward. You know it. Uthra knows it. I gave up everyday this september that I was going to come to UK. I still remember that conversation Uthra when you told me 'Trust me, I wish I had it, I wouldn't have even given a thought. I would give you.' The words still ring in my ear. I knew very well you would have done anything for me. Cz more than anyone else you and mom knew very well, if I didn't move out then, I was going to be in some strange depression. Mom, Thank you every time I gave up, you not babysat me, but also found solution to every problem. Be it the financial stuff, my accommodation, my visa, my food, my temper tantrums, my mood swings, my tears, my relationship issues, my fears everything. I do make fun of you whenever you say that you miss me. But I do miss you too. Par mein itni senti achi nahi lagti na, toh tum mera part bhi kar lo. :P

Aravind, lots of silly things, but best was when we met at Dominoes and you helped me with UK stuff. We essentially aren't in touch but you know how and when to reach me! It is a pleasure knowing you buddy, Cheers!

To the most useless lazy and super-intelligent friend of mine, Prem, for God's sake, shut down those games some time and talk to people da! Wish you were in your hostel, so that you spoke normally, like what normal people do. :P Anyways Congratulations for MS! USA just got lucky, having yo! ;) :)

One of the amazing persons I met this year was Sree Vidya. I donot actually get along with a lot of girls, but you are super-special. Thanks for all the fun during the 'ride' for movie with Uthra and the 'shopping' tips. I still do not use them anyway :D

My junior Prasanna, Dubai trip on due for 2016 dec re. Before that come down to UK. Missing all those times when we used to drive around the random roads of Chennai.

Nisarg, Ashish and Siddharth.. Me and Divya are indebted to you guys for the favour you guys did, even before knowing us. Thank you! :)
Sasi and Shashank I am flawed a lot, Thank you for still being there. Hope to have loads of good times ahead!
Abhishek, for all the professional help and being my 'friend at work' Thank you!!
Jaina- Sleepovers! I m telling you there is a sleep drug in the air of John Philips, thats why I end up sleeping in the movies that we see. :P
Jaina,Dheeraj and Abrar- You guys are awesome! Can't thank you enough for the day at London! And Abrar the Italian dessert was actually too good!

Oh and the Keralite doll who got married, Preethi. Yours was definetly one awesome wedding!!! Congrats again and my best wishes :)

Okay three people at the end, just like every year.

Divya- Right from providing a shoulder to cry on, a ride back home, a quick hug during the moments of fear, a smiley filled text message, a cute edit of our pictures whenever I'm down, supporting me even when I'm wrong, telling me that you do love me (lol), late night love stories,hanging around in university, last minute shopping plans, randomly clicking pictures around deserted streets, roaming in new cities, providing me with soo many friends in UK, sharing every little secret of yours, celebrating occasions and most of all- Trusting me! The Dubai transit, Visit to Leicester and of course your birthday were our best moments d. Come back soon from India, I do miss you. But please bring all that I asked for, or else I'll send you back. lol

Uthra, Jitna tere baare me likha hai na, utna toh main kabhi engineering me bhi nahi likhti..lol. With years the bonding is becoming more beautiful aint it? Your sister's marriage and your tears are still in memory. Tu dikahti nahi har par tu meri mom type senti hi hai lol. Thank you for pushing me into the water, I learnt to swim. It was your confidence that I wouldn't drown that instilled my faith. Please marry someone, so that I can go to Kerala. For I'm pretty sure you won't take me otherwise. lol Agey kya bolun, some of your gifts are ready, I'll bring em sooooon!! Thanks for seeing me at my worst and still thinking that I am the best :)

By now if you aren't annoyed that your name didn't pop up, I am pretty sure I failed. Nevertheless you wouldn't admit. I was saving the last one for you. Our life's have begun to run on parallel roads don't they? Last year this time, you called me up and told me, you wanted to take off. I literally thought you never were going to make it. But then, you did. You surpassed my expectations. Sigh! Expressing gratitude has never been this difficult. Okay, so here it goes. Right from when I met you in Trichy till your transition from MBA plans to taking a job and quitting it in less than a week and finally your MS plans, I never really thought you would be of this help to me! But the minute I decided that Loughborough was my destination, you took care of everything in here. From money transfer to ticket booking to accommodation hunt to places to eat, to online work till banking, you told me what was right and what was wrong. Of course, somethings fall out of place, do not blame yourself for that. And ya, history tells me that not a lot of people can actually handle my depressions and mood swings. As much as I annoyed my mom saying that I never was gonna make it to UK, I annoyed you too. I know, during the transitional phase, I literally spoke about the same issue, every minute and you still patiently listened and said that I was going to make it- Means a lot. Thank you most importantly for taking time off your schedule and tending to my work. Be it back from home or in here. The best gift that anyone can give another person is just time. I know I ate up a lot of your free time.lol And anyways I did type most of your reports, so its fair enough I guess :D And again thanks for teaching me how to be happy! That's something I owe you big time, Sathya.
Sometimes appreciating the little things people do is very important in life, and I guess every small issue, plan or problem that you told me, obviously made a lot of difference. So, here's hoping we have an professionally tough yet fun filled year ahead buddy, Cheers!


Lastly, a big Thanks to all those people who have finally decided that they will move out of my life and let others come in. It hurts that people aren't ready to apologize even when you are ready to forgive, nevertheless time which reveals also heals. If people want you in their life, they will make an effort to stay or else let them go away.

2013 does look good on a review note. Inspite of the fact that I couldnt really have a good birthday or that I couldn't celebrate my MS admission or I had many bad days, The ending seems fabulous!
And when the bad days are gone, it's better not to look back and focus ahead I guess!!
Well, what more can I say? Plan your perfect ending at 31.12.13 11:59 pm and a perfect beginning at 1.1.14 12:01 am! May the same happiness spread all through the year. My words are my good wishes for you!

So here's hoping that all of us have good stuff to pen down in the next 365 days!

Once again, A very happy new year

Loads of Love,
Swathi

"Why is it we always fall for our best friends? Is it because we know we can trust them? Is it because we know them so well? Is it because of the way they know exactly whats going on in our heads? Or is it because they are there any day, anytime, anywhere without the promise of kisses, intimate touches or whispered sentiments of love? I think we love them because they are there when there is nothing in it for them except for that little glimmer of hope that maybe someday there will be."

'Friendzoning' has been making rounds in the internet memes and talks. The concept of liking your friends but not committed as in a relationship- could be probably the best way to put it.

How does it feel? Obviously weird. It isn't bad, because you know they still care for you, they adore you, they cant stand you getting hurt but ultimately become the cause for making you feel dull.
You reminisce the past a lot, because you fear the future would never bring such moments again. You tell them that it could be perfect , real and very true! 'I love you and you know me soo well.. How can you not love me back? ' would probably depict the mindset of yours!

At the other end, it obviously becomes annoying. Friends don't ask for anything in life and any transition in this relationship should be compatible from both ends or else strings cut off bleeding one end at the worse. A clear rejection is always better than a fake promise they say. But it takes a great deal of strength to actually forget one's feelings and speak to the same person normally. The heart that loves only tries to persuade the other one to fall for it. This gets through a strange complicated phase- where one person doesn't understand 'how can one do this after knowing that they have been rejected', and the other person silently suffers- 'no matter what I do, it isn't going to make any difference.'

Love always brings complications. To be rejected by a person who knows you more than anyone else in the whole world is probably the worst feeling. The immediate thought? 'She knows me more than anyone else, she doesn't find me good enough to love. How am I ever going to meet my picture perfect life partner?' A drop in self esteem. Followed by a sudden strong thought- 'I am never going to call her back, let her know my importance.' Most of the times it doesn't work or you end up hurting yourself more badly, after knowing that they are actually fine in your absence!
There are your feelings at stake and no matter who you are you would obviously feel let down. You wish you never loved. You wish you never admitted, you wish you could reverse in time and bring back things the same way.
But, sadly, it never can be the same.

The one who doesn't love, obviously suffers the guilt of hurting their friend. It isn't always easy to snub off care. Knowing your little efforts would make their day, coupled with the fear that what if it gives wrong hope in their heads- you always end up in a dilemma of what to say when. Right from the small good day texts to is your work going good to is your mom fine- you think twice before taking any step. Speaking any word. The care would be missed at the other end too.
The awkward silence at both ends in phone conversations- wondering what to say next with a million thoughts running in head, still unable to put forth, in a deep thought if it would be right to hang up- I am sure all of you would have experienced this at least once with someone! <3 br="">
If you are still reading this, you are ready to admit that you have been through this. All of us have.

Can anyone make out of the friend zone? Maybe yes- it is a pretty bad world, the one we live in yeah! Where money matters, you can't ignore pure emotions. If it is good at both ends, then they end up being these inseparable best friend couples. The ones who know the past, draft their future together. They dream together and live their dreams. Ah! The wordings might sound monotonic but you need to sense that it runs too deep!

What if you don't? You lose a lot for starters, may be your friendship or maybe yourself too. Its easy to get lost in love.

Or maybe you don't lose anything at all. You mask your feelings and be the same way to them. They understand that it is difficult for you, but never admit that too. There is this beautiful relationship with overwhelming care at both ends, that are quite often subconscious. The bonding becomes too strong that the commitment is much beyond love. 
Yet again, on a very last note: Just because they say they love you and they are happy for your relationship, doesn't mean that they are fake. It only means that they adore you more than what you ever thought in all your life!
And most often, you never realize how difficult that can be. Oh! and Also how Precious you are to them!

As I always say,
Love the heart that hurts you, but never
Hurt the heart that loves you :)

Regards,
Swathi

Sometimes it lasts in love, sometimes it hurts instead! :')

It is really a great art to communicate effectively and put forth things, just the way you mean or think. As we move down the lane of life, we get better at communication- is our perception. But is that the truth? Sadly no!

I think it is better to revert back to sign languages rather than smiley language! For once no human being could decipher the code behind all the whatsapp and other such messenger smileys. What would be the difference between :D and ^.^ . No one knows. Ask my mom, she would say a bird is about to fly. Or maybe it already flew.

By the way is smiley the only issue? No, texting language has killed our normal thinking ad judging capacity. A just found acquaintance wont hurt you, even if you are a detestable creature! Someone who knows your dreams, wont make fun of it. But no, we dont see the bigger picture. A joke ends up in a emotional showdown. A subtle sarcasm kindles hatred. Two extra dots at the end of a sentence makes others feel you are least bothered. Two exclamatory mark means they love you! Aint it?

When you were in grade 8 and randomly meet a grade 5 friend, you would get a fleeting feeling of happiness. An old friend, a coincidental meet- that takes you back in time! A 5 min talk and probably a phone number (not cell phone) You would just walk away knowing that the day couldn't have been better. But now? People rarely are happy bumping into others. 'I sent her a text at 5, she was online, she didn't reply, so why should I bother to say a hi in person now.'- is your attitude. We do realise that there is a fair chance that the person was busy but then whatever it is, they have to make the first move- isnt it? Like you would check the messages tab everyday to see if the particular girl you are interested in has replied to a text you sent some months ago, but wouldn't step down a level for a friend- Seriously?!

And judging people. 'xx speaks good to me. She is a good girl. I think she can be a good friend of mine.' Suddenly you come to know she has been texting another friend of yours. Just texting, you dont even know the context of their conversation. Your voice- 'She texts two guys. I can see what sort of a girl she is.' Like do you have only one contact in your address book for real? 

And okay, accept it you all have that one person or persons that you wished you lost contact with. Not that you hate them, but people and their beliefs change with time. Their presence in your life today would just lead to complications. We all have a childhood friend who we were close to but now it is just a mere acquaintance basically because mindset, thought process and your beliefs differ. Now with them on your social networking site, trying to keep updated with your life, it is only fair that both of you would feel awkward and before long, start hating each other or judging each other.

Gadgets, applications and websites do not necessarily connect us beyond distance. They just take us away from the person next to us. How irritating it is when a newbie is trying to make a conversation while you just glue your eyes on the mobile screen! It is undoubtedly useful, nevertheless it causes a pile of misunderstandings. The way you meant and the way it gets deciphered down the receivers end can be damn different. 

Ridiculously outrageous are those who speak a tonne in social networking, but never say the first hi in person in any social gathering!! 

Better ensure this doesn't cause your breakup, staying away from psychology at the moment- so no updates on that now!
I'll be back to writing soon.

Loads of Love,
Sti

Please turn off the PC and say someone what you actually mean.
A note of thanks
An apology
or a Bunch of love!






The surrounding world is eavesdropping on our doors,
Thinking that today we will settle all the old scores!
But it is these people whom we really deplore,
Why can't they let things be at wayward shore?

We come over, take a tour of the moments elapsed,
While they calculate that every thing has collapsed,
Why is it that I feel time has a bit relapsed,
Or are these my memories death traps!


Move a bit by side, let me go, I said,
"Wait a second, lets see if you really have bled,
Carrying such a futile high in sky type head,
Oh, where are you going ahead, dead?"

Musing mum with feets all numb in pain,
I try to face them all feebly again in vain,
"How can you try to ask such insane,
These questions just make my brain drain"
Love is all story of loss and gain,
There is nothing I have to complain
To speak about some things I refrain,
His life is where I enchantingly reign."

We do small talks, tiffs and buts,
There are times when I go nuts,
Witnessing a lot of bruises and cuts,
Still together with a bundle of guts!

We did play by the rain, sun and the storm,
This relationship did make us transform,
Forgetting all the ol' rules and norms,
Lets go along the world and just swarm.

Justifying the world never matters,
For they will always clap and clatter,
They smirk when your dreams shatter,
Lets not let things slither and scatter!

For our togetherness might be their jealousy,
But lets swirl together in eternal ecstacy,
I have a couple of blissful long fantasy,
Far and away from peer and near fallacy!

It is us who know how were the spun dreams,
It is you who gets happy seeing me in all beams,
To them no matter how or what it seems,
Lets merge together in the same stream!!







Have your ever had a dream like a dream that you would do anything to see it for real, a dream that is like only yours, a dream too good to be true? Engineering was mine <3 span="">
September 13TH 2009 will always be a very memorable day for me. My first surprise birthday party at home. My school friends had organized it, it was kind of a fare-well, since I was starting the same day night to my college at Tiruchirappalli, a place I had gone once or twice as a kid, 300 km from home.
‘She was so good at studies, she got a fine enough score, that is good for a studious person, but not good enough to be a topper. 190 was my cut off on a scale of 200. 10 marks lost, life ended. I never thought so though, I wonder why. I was always propelled ahead by my passion, rather than driven by the fear to fail. She could get a good private Engineering college, or parents are rich- they could pay for a medical seat too.’
Medicine, I will tell you today why I never went for it! Doctors are probably the people I consider next to God, I respect the profession so much that I would never consider myself fit enough to be one. I had once witnessed them at work, when my father got heart attack. I felt that is something, I should admire from a distance. To be frank I would do true justice even if I did it and I was capable enough and meticulous at work too, somehow My respect for the profession also became a reason for me to stay away from it!
I wonder why people attributed the loss of 10 marks to my mother’s new Tata sky connection at home. I, even today am not TV addict, Funny actually!
Then came the options- my mother, the poor lady till today has been trying hard to me a perfect girl, in the sense make me stay close to her, adorn in beauty, see me grow up and stuff. I know mom you would have imagined me travelling in all those hi-tech buses at the start of the day, with a big grin and waving you good bye. I am sorry I never gave you the chance to pack my lunch box, both at school and college. I am sorry to have moved away for a span of four years and Again I am moving away, I am sorry.
Sigh! So much to pen down actually, m being washed in a whirlpool of emotions. I do know millions of people are passing out as Engineers along with me, millions have done and millions are on the road to do the same. But I am selfish, I am going to tell you all that I so badly wanted to say all these days. Cuz my UG journey is over. Over.
Then came the department in Engineering. I was never good at electricals, not even putting battery in my remotes :P Dad was a genius at it, seriously in his work, he drew respect of mine. I still remember when I was in 4th – 5th he used to sit with his big board charting out the stuff for his Ph.D thesis report. He hated getting disturbed at work and mom used to warn me and bro to stay away from him. But I silently would pull up my homework note and silently sit by his side and write something. To which, he would look up and smile. People are asking me today why it is a big day? You have no idea how happy I feel holding a copy of my thesis. Yes, I have grown up!
Now that electrical was ruled out of the place, mechanical drew my attention on the large. To an extent, that was what you would expect someone to like. I had spent all my kindergarten holidays at the workshop of H.I.E.T college, playing with screws and nuts, my grandpa being a mechie himself. Used to sit and listen to whatever he taught to them, go around doing vroom vroom :P And Barbie dolls? Nope! Never!
You can’t take away the passion, can you? In blood is always a part of yours. Even though you forget it, it never forgets you!
Automobile- the decision I had finally zoomed into. The options I had for college –the prestigious MIT at Chennai, a college that decided to kick me out based on merit, PSG tech a college my dad had denied, since it was autonomous and finally AUT- a college that I never ever in my wildest dreams thought I would join. It was never my option list! I was open to anything staying at home or far away, but somehow I felt Chennai culture was going to distract me from work. AUT seemed to have all that I needed then- a govt college, a good dept and away from home.
Nevertheless, it was a bomb shell to my mom she still feels I should have stayed at Chennai. But then I respect you for respecting my decision J
Four years ago, on September 14TH I left my hometown Chennai out on a completely new venture called ‘Engineering’ to a place called Trichy. Dad had set out to drop me at hostel. The day I still remember, we sat in inauguration ceremony. I was good at speaking English even at school, I asked some doubt to a NSS senior that day, the way he stammered to give a proper reply I was shell shocked.
That was just the start, the first 15-20 days I was stepping out of my shell, my mindset. I could see people who were far below my expectation levels at hostel. Their hygiene, food, thoughts and vocab was, to be frank, pathetic! I judge people a lot, I even now do. I believe to judge them by work, so I decided to give them another shot. I was wondering why even people would be interested in wedding after engineering, I was wondering why it was necessary to difference between mascara and kajal (I donot know if both are same, I am noob at all this :P)
Even these to an extent, dad had warned me and I was aware of. What came as a big surprise was the single girl thing. Yes I was the only girl in my batch. Till today it envies many, brings out disgust in some and brings out respect in many others.  I always had good friends in the opposite gender till today; Many of them who I know more than ten years or so. I never thought it would be a problem to be with them. But in Trichy it was a different story altogether, many of my batchmates itself looked at me like from an alien land. I was in a fix, I wasn’t able to judge at all. The ones who seemed good, seemed to be fake. The ones who seemed to be of more help, were far from my reach. Some people avoided me because they thought I would take in the wrong sense, some people I had to avoid, since they seemed to be upto no good.
One bizzare comment on ridiculing my passion happened in hostel, something that I can never forget in my life. Some people who believed that I took this to make sure I was in company of the guys. The most ridiculous doubt on my character. I made a mental note of it and decided that no one could make a mark in my life, like the people from school.
I was distracted way too much, though I topped my exams at that time also, I knew I was drifting off-track. Silly questions pondered me on the large. Why didn’t I have an elder brother to call me and take care? Why didn’t people worry about me and all such random stupid stuff. Should I have taken the other depts. And gone for being with girls?  At that point of time, I was questioning and contradicting myself.
But then the dawning day wasn’t far away either. The day we were given to assemble a diesel engine- Me, Sridhar, Sriram, Senthil, Basha, Thirumudi and Uday. A set of people I am highly indebted, for all their good will and assistance at laboratory sessions. All the four years, through ups and downs, they never ignored me nor overloaded me with work! Sometimes I really wonder what I would have done without them! Thank you again J
That day was awesomaticaly fantastic :P When the engine ran in the laboratory, I knew for sure that I was never been so happy in all my life. I wanted this, That day I knew I wanted this more than anything else.
It is amazing feeling, like a glow worm in dark, still you trust it to take you to your destination!
Now that it had been decided that I was going to be in there for four years, I wanted to ensure that as I returned back home after my degree, nobody should question my expertise or knowledge in my subject. That the quest was all about what I learnt more than what was being taught again caught my notice. Again thanks to my super scientist daddy and internet I got all the materials I needed at the right phases, I did the best of whatever I could. Ended up being on toppers list again.
The formula was working out, or so I believed! Till another laboratory class. Where I couldn’t recognize a single component of a Gearbox, I did so many sketches, got all the design formulae right, yet I realised the lack of practical approach and its disastrous effect was evident then! I looked like an idiot to myself.
You know I love those long walks I used to take with dad as a kid, till 8Th I guess. Infact today I miss those more than my mom’s cooked food. Well, that Is another story altogether :D
But nevertheless till today I never did miss home, of course whenever I was free, I used to run back and see people in there and Uthra priya, one lady who virtually stood by my side in the four long years.
Internal politics had been on at large at that phase, due to coincidential and strange misunderstandings, my batch mates were forced to believe that I had a lodged a complaint against them, owing to which they decided to boycott me. Those 10 long days was the worst part of my college life, with no smiles being returned to being seen in hatred. It would have lasted forever if not for a few people- Madhan, Senthil and Vivek- who coincidentally saw me crying alone in empty classroom after the classes were over- totally wrecked and in havoc, I had a break down that day. They didn’t give me much reassurance, they promised I would have the best of my college life, which I have today!
Focussing again on the major part, when I realised the importance of practicals, my faculties came into play big time and dad again. Being an ex-profy himself, he told me to do the IPT and IV.
2nd year Industrial visit to HAL was again a very good one.  Again I was the only girl with a batch of 56+ guys- 3 days- Bangalore- Mysore and Trichy was the plan. I organized it, maybe that is why they let me go. Our organizational skills were so fabulous that me, vignesh and Sridhar had lost 10,000 bucks sitting in the same place, yet got it. So good were our calculations! Anyways I Had a lot of people to convince for it actually- my parents, my faculties, my batchmates and lastly myself. For outsiders, it might have seemed that I never convinced myself, but I did a lot of thought study, actually, it was necessary.
And it paid off very well, from all the jeering and happy times during the travel to the photography session to the first live witnessing of the mechie gizmos, it did draw a lot of inspiration. That was the first place I visited all by myself, I puffed up in pride. Again since I organized it, there was not a single person whom I hadn’t spoken to in the batch, so everyone was good with me!
One big event happened that time. Yes, I fell in love, got immediate rejection, from a person who knew me for a long time. The only good part? I didn’t let it affect my studies, hence well save the sob story later.
Again mechanical is considered to be tough for girls. Yes, doing mensuration phases, it was difficult for me. Rest was fine enough. But I scarcely ate back those days, fell unconscious a lot of times in labs. Again my batchmates know all this story.
One big accident that left a scar on my hand was at hostel, surprisingly. I expected it to be at college :P I inserted the whole of my hand in the open end of an iron cot, during night due to imbalance. Blood was dripping like hell and It was one phase when I seriously wished I had someone. And I like a pro idiot stuffed cotton in it in haste, which got stuck in the wound. The nurse was so annoyed with my work and it was a painful task to pull out every bit. When I went for hospital to bandage it up, the way nurse poured tincture into the whole would apart from injecting me, apart from asking me half scared, if no one accompanied me? I felt sorry for myself.
That is just one half of the story, the second half? When a few people from my class knew it, they came over ensured I had my breakfast, gave me my tablets, had obviously bunked off their lectures to sit in canteen and make fun of me as I was sitting there crying in pain :P That day if not for them I would have never been able to feel fine! Thanks again!
And me like a goody good soul became the class rep for 2 years of my four years, ensuring all got 90% attendance, while truth was far from it. But then I learnt a lot about taking responsibilities and being politically right during these phases. That is to be favorite person among staffs and students you have to synchronize stuffs in the right way! Helped me a lot during the internship phase.
Again off the official work track, I made a lot of friends in my college days. That kallanai trip was one of the awesomatic experience in my college life! I still adore it..
Apart from this my birthday celebrations in Canteen the second year was nice! Actually my birthday celebrations got bigger and better with every year!
Much of the success that I got has to be attributed to the mechie seniors. Sakthi, Harini, Praveen, Preethi and Murali for starters- if you guys hadn’t taken me to NITT for the electrical symposium, then I probably would have never been to any college. Indirectly you guys instilled the feeling that we were no less than anyone. Of course that was yet another memorable day! Especially the quiz, we had no idea what we were doing, especially me :D
These were probably the best of college life, in the first two year phases.
As I opted out as a rep in the 3RD year, I knew very well what to do next- improve my profile. 1 Industrial visit, 1 internship, 2 Inplant trainings, 5 presentations and 10 + conferences, I seemed to have done something, looking back today!
The first IPT of mine was at Combat Vehicles Research and Development Establishment (CVRDE) at DRDO chennai. I was at dad’s work den in short with Riyaz and Venkatramana. One heck time we had going to places seeing the best of engineering at work. Again, a very good inspiration for me.
The second one was Integral Coach factory, Perambur, Chennai. It was a manufacturing unit 24 * 7 buzzing with work. How pieces of metal which we would scrap transforms into a beautiful locomotive was what it showed. I could get into details of what machines I saw and how utterly amazing they were, but it might bore you, so I’ll leave!
And the I completely begun a journey on my own!
Yes, I did go to a lot of top colleges for work sake. Started off with the ones that rejected my admission outright. Techofest with Vignesh and SS karthik for starters, in second year had gone with them. But during the third I went on my own, visiting stalls seeing people in groups wondering why I was alone, peer pressure to some extent.
I decided that if I didn’t have any work to do, I shouldn’t go anywhere.
The meticulous planning gave rise to the biggest achievement in my four year span. The NITT Concept Car Design Challenge! One solid month It took me to draft the whole concept into two sets of presentations- ne for car assistance and safety. The second one RUV vehicle! The judges were from Mahindra group, seemed interested in my off road Rural utility vehicle concept. I happily completed my ppt and sat along with Murali one of my friends at NITT. When 3rd and 2nd was announced I was pretty sure I had lost it again! But there came the jolt from the blue, I won the first prize.  One it was a core competition and lets face it was tough- 2000 + designs had been rejected at prelims stage! But I did it yay! Thankfully my friend had congratulated me and I was on my own to trichy.
That 1 and half hour journey back to college was very different, since I wanted to like say to everyone, share my happiness and all, but then I was alone that time. Like an idiot, I was smiling again in thoughts.
That had greatly instilled the faith that I could do a lot more. Ended up doing a presentation at CEG, the reputed AU with my junior Prasanna, the biggest mistake of my life. You know ‘research’ and ‘studies’ are different. I presented a fab idea to professors, ended up being asked randomly ridiculous questions on 2nd semester theory. A waste of time! As I ended up third in there, I knew very well that PG in here wasn’t going to work out any time. The term ‘research’ was a living dead concept.
One more opportunity was given by my faculties, to represent my college at the French auto firm Valeo, in Chennai. I went with my friend Uday. Okay lets admit it, I always thought IT firms were AC cooled fancy types, again I was proved wrong at Valeo. A presentation on emissions, I did not end up winning, since frankly I did not work hard, a wee bit of problems in relationships and overloaded with work at that phase. Nevertheless made it to the top ten in India, for that conference. Got a trophy, which I value with all my life.
I became restless when I didn’t have work, I was achieving but till today something seems to be staggering, I don’t know what.
Okay, again in the last phase of my college life, I was a ruckus frankly. A thing was troubling me a lot, the grades hadn’t tumbled nor did the presentations stop. But I had been a very unhappy person. Three people actually made sure I was perfect- Uthra, Sathyanarayanan and Ashfaq. Uthra had focused on pulling me out of the past, Ashfaq was making me do the best at present, Sathya was helping about the future.
One person who surely came back with a bang in this phase was Ashfaq, with the internship at Renault-Nissan. Something that was absolutely my dream! And a very very worthwhile experience. Working with someone who is absolutely pro at his work is always a pleasure! I learnt a lot and simultaneously I pulled myself from everything and started focusing on the bigger part of life!
Yet again, my plans after this are crystal clear, but
I would love to tell you only after I make it absolutely real!
Thanking Again to all you lovely people out there, who walked in my life making a great difference and greater thanks to those who walked out of it and made it even more fabulous!
One thing is for sure, no matter where I go what I do, whatever mood I am in, I would definetly dress up and fight for my dreams.
For me it is always about the passion, and I would never give that up, Never-Ever!
And Come what may I would surely end up in a good firm at the start and in the end- BMW R&D. That is where I want to be putting up my best friend’s gift- a key chain in my gift!
Very nostalgic as I end up this note, which actually took me continuous 2.5 hours to type :P
Lastly all of us have dreams, some want to soar high in the sky, some long for love etc etc,
I wanted to be an engineer and I got it!
Loads of Love,
Er.Swathi
Finally An Engineer, Proud to be One!


They all fall down, they all get up,
So why are you felling low tonight?

It isn't worth a little tear, Just burst your heart out,

What happened was your fear, so just let it all go out!
Yet remember that life is at times fair, if not always,

Today you'v had your share, their's in the future lies.

Pull yourself from these rags, they aint worth a penny,
Your attitude is the only lag, bring it on like many!
Troddles of despair and desperation might be avid,
But be sure footed every step you further proceed.

Smile as if you have never had a frown,
Move around like you own a studded crown,
Let the rays of truth shimmer out after all the fun,
Let all those who vilified lies crash and run!

They speak when you walk, They speak when you sit,
They record when you talk, with gorgeously fake outfit!

Deep down they pray to hypnotize you with a wand,
Or make you one among their wanna be famous  band,
But it is high time you strode forward and yawned,
Because you are so much better and beyond.


They all fall down, they all get up,
So why are you felling low tonight?

Haven't you always had yourself at the end of the day?
In the moments of insecurity, din't you alone pray?
Those who did wrong shall, God forbid, always pay.
Why do you bother, the sun is on, hence make hay.



People matter, only of you want them to matter.
Rumours clatter, only if you let them to clatter.
Faith clutters, only if you let it clutter,
Hence adorn a new attire, before it is time to retire!

Still feeling low tonight?
Cry your heart out, wipe your tears,
The hands to help you are the end of your fingers,
Waste a day or two in such disheartening endeavors,
But then rise up and glow in all jeers!



Why does it have to be this way? To feel so low about yourself, when out there there at people envying to step  in your shoes. To the exterior way the glam and glitter of all the laurels and accolades to shine bright, so much that people turn their faces away in the glitz of it, what embraces at the end of the day is deep felt loneliness. Scare. To fail, it never changes does it? New things you do new places you go, try to rise up like you have never fallen, move about that there is no obstacle. Pray that eventually things will come into place. It never does.
The minutes of insecurities are too much. For when you stop and look back, you don’t see how much you have got. You only see how much is lost.You do move ahead, in paces more than what average do, probably paces that none ever had moved or will move, but it doesn’t help out. You cant get over it. Professional success cant guarantee you happiness. You can’t hug your certificate. All man longs for care. All I miss is care.
I so wish people never expected anything on me. I would give upon every dream right now, to see who would actually be there when I am nothing. But unfortunately that isn’t necessary, because there is nothing already in my life. You only have to check upon people when you doubt on them. I have no doubts people have all left, I have nothing left. For the goodness of mankind, I am alone.
Even all those who were never ever good to me, I prayed their better half’s should be miraculously good. I wonder where I did go wrong. In being passionate? In thinking that I have to give the best shot in whatever I did? Being passionate at times is a great crime in itself. You don't realize the fine line between calling it your passion and obsession. I would even work for free just for the joy of it. You would call me foolish. But I don care. Neither did I before.
To me these are just empty sounds. My insecurities were and are still the same. To be deserted at the heights of professional success. I long for care.
Regards,
Me
I am only me, that is all I can ever be.


Have you heard that story- The story that the life of a prosperous king was in a parrot? Have you ever felt how a dog could die when his master attains his abode? Is that attachment subconscious, don’t they ever feel bad?
They do feel bad. Inside all of us, is a heart that does feel. We all have a life- intricately blended with jubilance and sorrow. We soar in our dreams yet we sometimes are stuck at the start.



Remember the prime important thing is where you end up in life, not where you start or where you were stuck and where you broke out in exasperation. Probably your story would be heard by all, if you become famous. And people would speak, ‘ He struggled so much and he got in there.’ And blah blah. Probably the awe they have for you would last shorter than the sound of their applause in your ears. It would be forgotten.
Take anyone’s story. From the start everyone would have struggled. For your mom, your dad would have had the toughest struggle in life. For you, your mom’s struggle would seem toughest. Ultimately, one of us is going to believe that we have smiled through the worst of scenarios, made it through our dreams -Reached there, where we had dreamed of going. They might not have expected us to reach, but they are glad with the whole of their heart that we still made it.
Amidst this there is peer thing, peer pressure. When we did our 12TH we were so scared about the rest of life. At that point the loss of 0.25 marks meant loss of life. They called it cut-throat competition, so much hype that in four years (or may be even before that) , our marks lost its charm. One student, dumber than you, chose Geology., she is happier. One chose to become a house wife, she is happier too. One fellow is an aero engineer, he is happy too. Another is a film-maker, he is happy too.
Then who are the sad ones? The ones who gave in. Gave in thinking they would create an awe in the minds of others. He had option between engineering and singing. Became an engineer, wanted to be a singer. 
And remember the farther you travel in life, the less people are concerned about your choices. Because by then they would have stereotyped you. Anything you do, no matter what, is not going to change that stereotype in their heads. Thus, the only person who is of prime concern at the end of the day would be just you. And your dreams, of course!
It is a simplest of choices you make, that ends up defining you. 
No matter what you do, they will always speak! You might be amazed, but they will still speak. Succeed in profession, they’ll ruin your personal reputation. Get your love, they’ll blame it for blowing up your career.
Have you ever thought how easy it is to pull someone from the top, but how difficult it is to muster up courage and fight back from ashes?

And yeah, I did see some posts in social networking websites saying , ‘If you ever have A confusion between your personal and professional life, remember your job will not hug you back at home, but your wife will.’  Agreed personal ties are important. But they are double-edged swords. What hugs you at one end, might also prick you at the other! Your dream is just your’s on the other hand, you might be enjoying it today or hoping for it tomorrow, but in the end it will always be yours. It might elude you, but it will never desert you at the toughest phase of life.
Dream and Aspire. Love might leave and come back. Passion doesn’t. Dreams don’t.
And lastly like the king, find your parrot and guard it with all your life!

Regards,
Swathi

Once there lived leaders who influenced people, by appealing them with their strong words. Now most of them are using it as a free tool of publicity.

Has the decade really come? When words seem useless, you don't realize the importance of it.. "Pen is mightier than sword" they said. Because killing people took just a minute, but making them realise their mistakes through words, probably was worser than that. Would you like to receive a text message everyday saying all the mistakes you did? No. Certainly not.

Sadly the decade has come. Voices of thousands of people against the crimes happening in the country are flooding in social networking sites. Why just crimes? They do tweet about everything climate, cricket, personal stuff and all. Who cares? Nobody. Because even if they did- well, forget it-they don't.

It is called social-networking because it was created to network with the society that we lived in. The people whom we liked. The leader whom we chose. If it isn't a two-way network, what is it going to be used for? You aren't going to take the words seriously, then how do we communicate? Sign-language?

And people say they have a pain in reading.. Since when let me know? You say it is boring. You say you are lazy. There are millions out there, I swear find happiness in recognizing letters in any printed material. Aspiring for education. You've lost the happiness. Probably, you would just like the article or say some words like 'good', 'nice', 'worthy' and move on. But wait a minute- did you read it fully? Again a no.

Realise the power of words. Journalism is a field worth utmost respect. Have you ever thought how much the swap of a single word in a sentence gives you a difference in sense? You should try feeling the word. There is difference between 'jubilant' and 'ecstasy'. If you don't feel it, I am sorry for you- the so-called-Literate-Educated-Human. Superior than every living being in the world- In what sense, I wonder!

There are still people out there whom by now, you would have branded as 'Class-A: Nerd' who read books, read magazines, lose themselves in whatever they find. They read positive stuffs and feel positive. 
Have you ever wondered how some letters can make you feel absolutely amazing, even in those situations when you don't even want to smile?

If you din't then, I am sorry again. 

Penning this down, as I don't want Reading habit to become extinct in the course of time. Realise the importance of words.

Regards,
Swathi
It takes a lot to admit Love, Love for immortal beings and Love for Words!


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That it will never come again is what makes life more and more Interesting… It takes real good time to understand me.. And sometimes, Even people who understand me fail to get whatever I mean… For people who don’t know about me, I’m A fun-loving, friendly, Optimistic, Jovial, Out-going girl… Sometimes shy when the whole crowd is new…. But I get along with people very soon….. I have a lot of friends who consider me an important part of their life… I cheer up people very easily when they are sad…. I like Indian culture.. I Like analyzing characters… Emotions and Science are what I consider awesome Books are My best buddies...... i Read a hell lot of them...... Some of my friends think I can be a good listener… I can listen patiently… But even I can talk a lot… Its hard to get under my skin.. I always find out what people are upto very easily... I don intend to But it doesnot get out of my view I’m not very caring, Very friendly and all but I’m very naughty… My mood swings a lot… And finally, what matters is What U Know About Me And Not What U Read Over Here :)

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