All that you wanted to know

So three days for 2014 to wrap up. Have been reading 2013, 2012, 2011 and in fact 2009 reviews before deciding to pen this one.

 It absolutely isn't easy as you go down, aint it? As I was mentioning to one of my pals before, when I was 18 something, I read a book which stated that 'As you grow up, your friend list might increase, but the number of friends whom you can actually trust goes down.' How stupid of me to think that I would be spared. How retarded I could be to think, if we try forever could happen. It should be from both ends, mostly it turns out to be single handed effort.

Well, Years review - Started off with New Year Eve at London eye, One thing I ticked off my wishlist. Nothing else matters, except when you see the sky glow with the fireworks, seems like all good things are meant to be just yours in this wide vast world. As the glint and cheer spread across the crowd, seeing people- you get the zeal to live, look forward. That's how it was,not sure how much I expected it to turn out like. Wasnt sure if it was good decision to go. But after seeing it live on 01.01.14- 12:01 AM, nothing mattered. It's like, you feel you are the center of the world. Absolutely nothing else matters. 

After the glorious note usual schedule stuck. Oh , here is something that you I probably refrained from mentioning in the internet. That I worked in Domino's. I dont really care, if you say, 'Oh, why did she have to go to UK to do all this, Instead----' with the Plan -B options of yours for my life. I do not want it. In fact, it was the best decision, Once you strive hard to earn that penny, you wouldn't complain of spending an hour of extra work at your core job. Networked with so many people out there, one I clearly remember was a widow. She used to always smile and tell me, ' You have a choice to progress, use it wisely.' That's true, aint it? Its what we study for, for getting the choice.  Ended up saving much, and my first gift to dad, for his hobby, DSLR camera. Yes, I am freaking proud about that :) Its not everyday when you can save that much, can you? 

Oh and no, before you ponder, I did not lie when I said I was a part time tutor as well. Now that was an interesting venture, for one- you can check and compare Indian & British syllabus and second, I actually used to visit some of my students home for sessions. Its easy being a tutor comparatively in India, coz you have parents support. If the kid doesnt listen to you, you literally donot have to do anything. The mum's eyes would already be rolling :P But in here, kids have their independence. You won't believe it, there was a kid who actually said that he 'felt lazy' and feels like doing it later. This was a good and in a way bad attitude - Good since they learn to say a no, when they feel it. I know people in corporate, who still do not stand up for what they want. That is essential, aint it? You know, the best of tutoring sessions I had was with Pakistani joint family, used to teach a couple of cousins. Best part- Like Indian culture, they keep feeding you until you say no, and even after that. And trust me I was a big fan of Kerala adapradhaman and semiya kheer, but hands down Pakistani version is class apart- God knows how they do that! Ok, Enough of food :P 

It was and it always is quite a challenge to keep the balance uptight, between part time and course activities. Loughborough, especially my course was perfect for that. Of course, there were a few part time sessions I bunked for sleeping in and hanging out. But there was never a class or meeting I missed due to part time. The balance was intact.

First half at Loughborough was fun, second half turned out to be serious. Dissertation- Placements- Internship and the next big question, are we going back home after the course is over in Sep or what next? Thankfully, I got an internship at Jaguar Land Rover. Another thing ticked off my wishlist. Its not everyday you get to hang around with F-types and Landrovers, aint it? One of the most dynamic environments, with a pool of very talented individuals. You actually see people living with those principles that you thought were in books and could never be implemented in real scenario. Like Optimism and being professional. JLR groomed into a better person and honestly I see way down the lane how I want to be. Five years from now on. Ten. Twenty. There were people whom I literally wanted to turn out to be like. Attitude- wise, Authority- wise and literally everything. Its hard to find inspiration these days, people fall short in one aspect or other, but JLR was perfection to my eyes :)

One more thing worth mentioning is the newspaper article. Not everyday you make it to Page-3 :P Hope this isnt the last one :) 

So, done with Masters. Flew down to home to spend time with family at the moment. For questions on what next, well, Will say you super soon! Lips sealed till then :P

Like they say, there is more than what meets the eye. This is probably one of the years where I got acquainted with the maximum number of people. Some became close, some decided to move apart. Well, whatever. But a few, I know I owe a lot. From this point forward, it is for you guys.

Swapna- Karthik : I miss you both. I miss those pointless chat and Swap- your awesome cooking. Thank you being there around, always to listen, for the movies, shopping, help, advice, care. Helping me out emotionally financially and for every morsel of food I ate back at your place- Will never forget the favours you did. A big Thanks! I know you are settled in your career now, I wish you both stay blessed and have a great time ahead :)

Abul, Mahi and Vicky anna- This would probably be from both me and Divya. Right RD? For you guys have been the people worth trusting. We had so much fun going out and the card sessions. Wondering when all this is going to happen again. Truly thanking you guys for all the moments. I know I have already said this to you guys individually, but again- a year or two down the lane, I am sure you will reach heights and my bestest wishes to you three :)

Naveen- Evangeline- Anna, hands down world's best cook :D Eva, cant thank you enough for supporting me you-know- when. And most importantly thanking you for helping me with house hunt in Coventry. I would go ahead and simply say- May all that you both wish, happen in 2015 :)

Jaina- Yaar, last day at Amber rooms, And the night stay overs through the year. I miss cooking for you, hoping we meet up soon!

Ranjit anna - For speaking what you thought was right, irrespective of my point of view. Thank you the talks, calls, help and support. N seekiram ooruku vanga :) Last day Dessert talks, advice at airport, NYE are something's that I would never forget na!

When it comes to UK, two people down here, last definitely not the least.

To both- The dinner at Feast of India, hands down the best conversation ever.

You left before my birthday, didnt you? I know the situation was unavoidable but I missed you so badly. Even if everything was perfect, there was something missing. Probably the way you would have frolicked, jumped up and down, made me lift you- asked me to cook for you, or could be anything. Honestly, I did not cry that much for my farewell as I did for yours. I never knew I could get this attached to anyone, for that matter. But you lil brat, you left me there alone, didnt you? :P With all the situations I mentioned above, you tagged along silently. I am surely not thanking you for anything, don't even expect it :P My year still hasn't got down to that sorrow state. You know what, Ill tell u something. Some good thing for a change. Of all the people I know right now, I respect you a lot. In every single way. There has not been a single moment when I paused and thought how different things would have been if you hadn't left. I miss you. The ridiculously outrageous ways you used to run around while shopping or ensure that my every off weekend is full of plans - I missed you. You remember once I was telling you I wish we both could sit under the night sky and speak our heart out. I wish we could go down to Loughborough to exactly the same place, count the stars at 1 in the night again. Or KFC - grab some onion rings n discuss our mission impossible plans. :P I still remember the night you left. Packing till late night, I was the one with the sullen face and unsaid tears, you were happily heading home. :( Cant believe that was the last time I saw you. Atleast cry a lil bit now :P

You once told me I wouldn't miss you and end up getting new friends. No one is going to replace you.Never.

For all the nights that I cringed and curled up in fright, for just being yourself and making sure I stay focussed at work and taking care of me and on and on and on-- I am not saying the two words :P Have a happy time ahead dear RD! Come down to India soon.

Okay us? I am the one with the loud mouth and loose tongue who goes on blah blahing about every random topic on my head. Where do I even start? Ok, an apology. For a promise that both of us know, I couldnt fulfill, which was way out of my hands, yet I took it as a challenge, made sincere attempts, brought it fine enough for a closure- However it isnt fulfilled at the moment, but soon will be. I very well know you do not hold me responsible for it and probably you have reassured me a million times for it. But I am sorry. 

Good times? For the care, ensuring that I do not end up over thinking and ruining the situation more, ensuring I eat when I'm out, helping me out in every single decision I took. Best times were at the Fountain. Nowhere else. Nothing else comes close to that. Looking back, I know not much was done, but we tried the best. I hope you succeed in your life and love :)

I know I owe a lot to people more than this. For every single one, who stood by me, had faith and trusted- Thanks. For everyone who said Idonot care for relationships- Thank you more. Makes me realise how much you knew about me :)

Coming down to India, irrespective of so many people going off like the disappearing flights, a few did manage to be in contact.

Prem, Prasanna and Satheesh- My best wishes to all three of you for your Masters :) Happy 2015 :)

Kna, Mo and Gg- For making home sound happier :) Thank you! 

Ash- For trusting me. Honestly I wish I could have take you along to UK. Someday definetly. 

Ashfaq- You push the standards where I wanna reach, every single time I meet you. Thank you for sticking by my side. Hope things continue this way in 2015 too :)

Uthra- I know I havent been in India, most part of this year. U needed me and mustve missed me a lot. Sorry for not being around and thank you for virtually living with me :)

Lastly, there were a few things I learnt this year. Jotting these down, as a self- reminder. 

That money is important and earning it is difficult. So spend only on those who matter to you, and more precisely on those who think you matter in their life. Coz turns out mostly, we aren't that important as we think we are. :P

That people are going to hurt. With words and actions. Eventually we all have to remember this. We simply don't remember this and life keeps teaching this simple thing again and again. Ok life, please note - your point is noted. Not again in 2015.

That there are some people who absolutely have nothing else to do than spread misery. From 'Oh, my bathroom floor is wet, why doesnt it dry soon' to 'Oh, I don't think I will live tomorrow.' Such dopes of pessimism I tell you!

That subconsciously, some people think they are the centre of the universe. Every damn thing revolves around them. You end up listening to their stories, when you want to share yours.

That some people might truly want the best for you, yet with the shift in perception- Relationships get tricky. 

That not all relationships are worth the hype. Now, this was an interesting thing. 

That they dont listen to comfort, they listen to judge.

That you are the only one concerned about yourself. Be it anniversary date, birthday or the friday that you wanted to hang out, or any event. The biggest thing I learnt was do not wait for people. If you want to make a moment special, take it and make it. Absolutely no one is going to save you in your life. Be it the extra bag you carry during shopping to wishing you had company for all major things. 

And honestly, as some people rightly pointed out over my face - 'We do not bother about you anymore.'

Lastly, that Growing up Sucks. :P

For all the people who broke me down in little ways, God bless you. Not being the goody goody girl, but honestly, how would you even understand how much it hurt unless you fit into my shoes?! 

Growing up you realise that there is no point in saying 'I will always be there for you' even if you momentarily mean it in a sincere tone. So I am not saying that in a wrap-up-note. Well, The Truth? We are going to grow far apart. The equations are going to change. I might exactly speak your mind to make you happy, but still are going to be pissed  off cuz your best friend knows you, but your girl friend failed. 

Dear people,

I can just be myself and try to make your life better. I cant fill up for all the vacancies in your life, and you end up replacing me when you find a soul for every single one. 

Sincerely,

Please-understand-everyone-has-a-life-to-live. Its just not about you!

As far as I am concerned, pretty much right now, everything has shrunk to just a very small circle of people about their thoughts and lifes. The kind of people whom I know want the best for me, even if they are that damn far apart physically. The kind of people who bring out the best in me.

To everyone outside, hope you find your circle too. 

And to all of my friends, acquaintances and literally everyone whom I know-

I hope you step closer to your dreams. I hope you find your soul mate. Most importantly, I hope happiness and peace reigns in your life.

Wishing you all a very prosperous 2015!!!

Loads of Love,

Swathi I